With that and in my absolute frustration, anger and bitterness, I pushed myself to commit my all to the Surrender Fast and Book 3 of my DDS (Divine Discipleship for Sisters) Class – Spiritual Warfare/The Disciples Victory. As hard as it was, I could do nothing else but lay it all down and let go of my biggest defense mechanism CONTROL.
I started with Luke 9:23 which is my DDS class’ foundational scripture, If anyone desires to come after me let him deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me.
Through the Surrender Fast I crawled through the wilderness blind at first because my mind, body, and spirit was covered with anger and hurt. But I pressed. It was not easy, the devil tried his hand daily, all day, BUT I continued to crucify the flesh with the little faith I had to press forward. I pressed each day in my word and in prayer, being completely obedient to God and as the days went by – one day at a time – slowly but surely things began to change. It was like the rising sun on a bright sunny day.
I called on God’s Word that told me that I am vine and you are the branches, he who abides in me bears much fruit, for without me, you can do nothing.
When I initially saw the change, I knew it had nothing to do with me but all God. I didn’t want to believe it, but as time went on I felt God telling me to TRUST him and faint not.
I then recalled His Word that told me that no weapon formed against me shall prosper and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Each day my faith was strengthened, the shackles were released and I began to see my husband’s true heart and was reminded of why I said those words I hold so dear to my heart five years ago, ” I Do”.
I was then able to review my commandments as a wife in Ephesians 5:21-33. No longer focusing on what HE should be doing but what I, Tanesha, should do and I began to yearn to do God’s will.
I remembered his word that told me but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control, against such there is no law.
Today, I boldly confess victory over my marriage and I feel awesome! I feel myself falling in love with my husband all over again for his heart and the promises that God gave me in the beginning. My husband and I began to put Christ in the center by praying daily and realizing that its my duty to focus on me an allow God to do the rest.
As difficult as I thought it would be in the beginning, I realized that when I REALLY let go, God lifted the burden and showed me why it was no longer my battle. He allowed me to relax my mind, will and emotions and became the center of my life.
3 Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? Or who may stand in His holy place? 4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart, Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, Nor sworn deceitfully. 5 He shall receive blessing from the Lord, And righteousness from the God of his salvation. 6 This is Jacob, the generation of those who seek Him, Who seek Your face. Selah
7 Lift up your heads, O you gates! And be lifted up, you everlasting doors! And the King of glory shall come in. 8 Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, The Lord mighty in battle. 9 Lift up your heads, O you gates! Lift up, you everlasting doors! And the King of glory shall come in. 10 Who is this King of glory?
I thank God for his grace and mercy, for this opportunity to gain an intimate relationship with him through this fast. I’ve learned how to war, how to sit at his feet and to be obedient to what he says. And when he doesn’t speak – I’m learning to WAIT.
So I thank him for giving me the strength not to walk out on my marriage and to renew the covenant we took together five years ago.
Everyday I look forward to being the great wife and woman I was called to be, a great helpmate to my husband and disciple of Jesus Christ.
I pray this testimony blesses someone else as this season has blessed me. Don’t give up, keep the faith, seek God’s face on your knees, hear his voice and stand on his word. Validate all decisions against his word and walk in his total victory and integrity for your life.
God bless you Dr. Owens, your family, the Prayer Team, and all disciples on this fast.