So, this week I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m on the road to recovery. Recovery from what you ask?
Discouragement, Disbelief, and Hopelessness. In other words a lack of faith.
This is unusual as it seems I was born for faith. Ever since I could remember I was believing for something.
I would believe for the smallest things like a trip to an amusement park, even though my mother already informed me we didn’t have the money to go. To the biggest things like winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes which was worth 15 million dollars at the time. Well, the latter didn’t come to past, but you still couldn’t convince me that my faith was useless. I still believed God could do the impossible.
Fast forward to the present day. I now feel like a shell of my former faith-believing self.
I asked myself. What went wrong? Where did I go wrong? It didn’t take me long to get the answer.
Several years ago I was believing for the restoration of my brother’s marriage. Me, alongside a couple of my sisters and my brother knew without a shadow of a doubt that restoration would happen. You could not have convinced us otherwise. We weren’t just believing to believe, but we thought all signs were pointing towards restoration and that fueled our faith.
I tell you, we believed God so, that we thought knew down to the day when it was to happen. So on that day that she was to return, we all came together by phone for prayer. At the end of that call we told my brother that we would talk to him and her later. We planned to celebrate.
It was after midnight and we hadn’t hear back from him, but we just thought that he was probably to excited to call and we’d just talk to him a little later. Well, that later came, but not with the news we’d expected. She hadn’t come back that day. I was crushed. I couldn’t believe that something I thought God Himself had confirmed would happen, hadn’t happened.
For some reason I wasn’t able to recover as quickly as I had in the past. I mean this literally took everything out of me. And here I am today struggling to believe God. I didn’t realize I was struggling until this week when I discovered that my actions are not lining up with what I say I believe.
My husband and I are believing for several things, but what I failed to see is that even though I was saying I was believing, I truly wasn’t. When he would ask me what I thought God was saying, I would say “what do you feel he’s saying.” When he would ask me to pray at night, I would always pray that God would help my husband to make the right decisions.
When my husband wanted me to go get up with him at 6 am every morning, I always overslept.
It all of a sudden dawned on me that I truly don’t believe what I’m saying I believe. I’ve placed all of our dreams on my husbands back and I was hoping that his faith would be enough.
But no more.
I’m now determined to get my faith back because the word says…
So I know that my husband needs me and I know that I need him and together we need God to receive what He has placed in our spirits to ask for.
I now realize that sometimes we want something so bad that it seems like God. What we hadn’t realized was that when God was speaking to us He was talking in the future tense but we ran with it immediately.
My brother’s marriage was never restored, but he is now married and has recently been blessed with a beautiful little girl.
I am now challenging myself to fight for the faith that I once held so deeply. I’m not exactly sure where this road will take me, but I’m sure it will be better then the one that I’ve been traveling on for awhile now.
Are you lacking in the area of faith? I then challenge you to fight, believe and dream again for the things that God has spoken over your life. He’s going to do it!!!
Here’s To Your Spiritual Health!!!
Stephanie B. Davis
Certified Natural Health Professional
Administrative Assistant for Dr. Celeste Owens Ministries